A plan

I finally have a plan. I am going to be starting a clinical trial soon. finally, something i can afford. (clinical trials are free...) Truth is im scared. i dont want to me the mom who is sick and weak. frail. i want to run with my son. teach him how to play crab soccer. build a fort. enjoy a walk by the river. but maybe a frail mom is better than one who isnt there at all. my leg always hurts now. pain killers dont work. and now my doctor says he found i have a blood infection. I had testing done today to check again. i should know in a few days. i had a nightmare the other night that i was in a coma for 6 years. i woke up and josh was a 7 year old boy. he didnt know me and i missed everything. thats what i am afraid of most. i dont want to miss his life. if i am dreaming, when do i get to wake up?