i really wish that giving up was an option... im so sick of being in pain... if i didnt have my son, i probably would... im tired of doctors, pills, tests. tired of pitty and sadness. tired of all the crappy visits and doctors telling me my odds. tired of keeping a straight face in public. im not afraid to die... but im not ready. how is this fair? everyone says how im "so happy and uplifted all the time..." well, this is who i really am. im sad, depressed, and i dont feel like anyone else understands...how could they? i have so much im not willing to leave here on Earth. Everyday reminds me that im one day closer to death. and why havent i started the treatment that can save my life? because i cant afford it. i dont want to leave my husband in debt when it cant save me.