why do i have to be in pain to learn a lesson?

i think its time i updated everyone on whats going on.

last sunday the 23rd of jan i woke up with a pulled leg. this happens sometimes because i roll too fast in my sleep and my left leg has cancer tumors in my hip so about the size of golf balls so it hurts. anyways, woke with a bad leg. tried to take care of robert and josh. (robert had the flu) josh was still healthy but he was go go go. finally on i called my mom and asked her to take him. my cousins hubby matt took him to my moms. i was able to rest my leg. i tried taking tylenol. no. prescription pain killers. didnt work either. later i tried a muscle relaxant. nope. i was in a lot of pain and i am not ashamed to say i was bawling like a baby. throughout the night i wasnt getting any sleep and robert took the bed while i slept on the couch. i made a bed out there in the front room ut no matter how i tried, i was never going to get some sleep. tuesday rolled around and i felt the same. my pain was throbing and i cried anytime i had to walk to the bathroom. finally, my mom took me to the doctors to get some nice morphine. guess what... it didnt work. i went back to her house so she could watch me. i saw my son. he was crying though becase i was crying. suddenly i had a panic attack. i couldnt breath and the pain increased somehow, if it was even possible. my mom called 911 and for the first time in my crazy unhealthy life i rode in an ambulance. i got my good drugs there and for the first time in 3 days i was pain free. then they wanted to send me home. i knew the pain free was temporary...i got home and did okay through the night. the next day i went to a doctors apointemt and went over the CT scans i had a few days earlier. he said the tumors in my left leg were agitaitng my bones or something was cracking. great,just what i wanted to hear. then he admitted me to the hospital so they could figure out why i was in so much pain. after a few more labs and a lot of painful MRIs and exrays, they told me i had infeccted fluid around my right hip bone. they wanted to stick a needle down in there and pull it out. sounds like fun. so they did. hurt like hell even with the numbing meds. my doctor came in and told me my cancer is probably spreding to my right hip. dont know how long im suppose to be here now. sort of just waiting. side surprises ive had have been a nose bleed, a really bad reaction to my pnumonia vaccine, and not being able to potty because of all the meds.... whoopie! this pretty much coveres sunday to monday morning at 6 am. sigh