Monday, March 7, 2011
WARNING: BAD DAY- you know what isnt fair???
healthcare. when we were forced to move to california because we didnt have any other option, (other than just roll over and die)we HAD to drop our private insurance because it didnt cover anything outside the state of Utah. Now im stuck on crappy State insurance just so i could get on a clinical trial that probably isnt working anymore. Now, if i want to go home or go somewhere else for treatment outside of california im NOT INSURED because insurance companies wont go anywhere near me. why do they have to make this so hard? i cant keep moving every time a new clinical trial opens up. I called the Cancer center in AZ, the one i went to last year. NOW they have trials open for Adrenal cancer. and sadly, i would have to pay out of pocket to go there. my last week there cost $32,000. so, i can only assume what it would cost me now. is it really worth it anymore?? i cant keep putting this type of stress on my husband. we will never be able to afford keeping me alive it seems. i know i am probably going to sound like a baby but it really isnt fair! why is the treatment so damn expensive!? the hospitals charge 1000 times more for treatment and pills and doctors visits than they have to. there isnt even any type of assistance for people like me. im going to die and im going to be in pain the whole time. i hate this! i see all these teenagers who are whining because they dont have a car, or lots of friends, or they dont have a boyfriend or girlfriend. they think their lives are over. you know what: screw you! there are worse things. i hate to see some people throw their lives away so young. they have so much potential and they dont care! they have young healthy bodies and they SMOKE and DRINK! you want bad lungs? you want a failing liver? you can have mine. im stuck living in an apartment when i have a perfectly good home in utah. i want to go home so badly, but its getting to the point where i dont know where home is anymore... i may have family close to me here, but i miss the feeling of peace. if im going down fast i want to at least be somewhere peaceful...
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Natalie,
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine what you have and are going through. I think you are amazing and have every right to sound like a baby. I didn't think you did though. We have a kind loving heavenly father that can help with trails and struggles. He may not take it away or fix everything. He sent is son to atone for our suffering. So that someone out that could feel our pain and help us heal mentally, spiritually and whatever way there may be. I wish I could fix everything for you and bring you back to your home. Your are in my prayers and I hope things turn around for you.
I don't know what I could say to possibly make you feel better. I wish I could give you a new body, or money but I can't! I wish you had the time to wait for me to go to medical school so I could treat you for free! Life just isn't fair in fact sometimes it just sucks. You don't deserve this and all I can tell you is Jon and I's thoughts and prayers are with you and your little family!
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